Why the hell do I still care? We sort of pretended to date for a while, and he broke my heart. And all for what? I was there for him through every crushing blow Depression threw at him. Tried to look past the Ambien texts. Trusted him with my personal details. Kissed him. Held him. Tried to love him. And all for what?
Fall in love.
Eat good food.
Smile at a stranger.
Laugh until your sides ache.
Learn to play an instrument.
Love your job. (At least you have one)
Travel.
Appreciate nature's beauty.
Paint your toenails.
Love your body.
Get so damn mad about something your passionate about.
Run a marathon.
Pray.
Get a tattoo.
Cry it all out.
Forgive.
Love the earth's creatures.
Skip wearing undies occasionally.
Love animals.
Make your dreams reality.
Exercise.
Learn something new everyday.
Burp and fart.
Enjoy a nap.
Believe in God.
Have a baby.
Be patient.
Love your parents.
Smile.
Enjoy a dessert.
Share affection.
have a pet.
Believe in yourself.
ENJOY your adventure.
I don't know that I've ever explained this to ever.
I'll start by saying this. My blog title has always been A Complex Delirium. I started my blog my ninth grade year, and at the time, I was really into Dream Theater. There is a song that is on their Octavarium album called Panic Attack. In that song, there is a line that says "Overwhelmed, by this complex delirium." Panic Attack was really my anthem in ninth grade. I was very lost, and at the time fighting anxiety and depression. Just read my past stuff, and you'll understand....I really related to the song. And so my blog became my own complex delirium. Delirium is an acute confused state, and I feel that everyone in their own way creates their own sense of confusion to protect themselves. But it's been fun to watch my blog, and blogging topics evolve. I may not have tons of followers, but it's always a good forum.
this is right after PJ and Toots got engaged. We were all so thrilled for them. They've been together for the last four years, and I am so happy to have her be part of our family. Montana was magic this year...except that my boyfriend was super sick at home :(
I really suck at day challenges. But at least they'll all be done today.
So for today, it's all about celebrity crushes.
I've narrowed it down to three categories.
Men who's babies I would love to have.
Fallen angels/simply beautiful men.
And woman crushes.
Men who's babies I would love to have:
1. Zac Efron
So everyone can make fun of me, because I secretly love Zac Efron. What can I say? He's totally gorgeous, and has a dashing smile.
2. Dante Basco
His voice is so sultry. He voices the voice of Zuko in Avatar: The Last AirBender. Not only that, but he's INSANELY talented in the realm of poetry. Honestly. There's this poetry club in LA, (I think he owns it, I'm not really sure) where it's basically an open mic poetry night. And he might have just become one of my favorite poets.
(This is called Talk to My Soul)
3. Tom Hardy
I realize I probably just sound like every other fan girl on the planet. But seriously. I've followed him through more than just Batman. Such as Warrior and This Means War....mmmm.
I'm sitting here at UVU, trying to get my financial aid and classes squared away.
Seriously.
I'm sorta freaking out. There is no way I thought I was ever going to make it this far. I always dreamed that I would. And now it's as if life has kind of thrown me a curveball and said "Surprise! Get your ass to college..."
It's not a bad thing. I'm not really worried about my acedemics. (Hahahaha. Whoever knows me is laughing.) Just kidding. That's a legitimate fear. I didn't always strive for excellence in high school, and college is not even close to the same playing field. Maybe I'll just look into being in the food industry forever....Just kidding.
I know generals are there to help you decide what you want your major to be, but I've narrowed it down to 4 categories that I really want to go into....
1. Nurse
4-year degree.
Perhaps advance to a doctorate and become a Nurse Midwife.
2. LCSW
6-year degree.
Open my own office and help teens and children fix themselves.
3. English Education
4-year Degree
Teach at a high school.
4. Graphic Design
Work for companies designing logos.
I'll probably stick with at least one of the first three. I would be really good at any of those. Except I'm a little scatterbrained, so maybe being a teacher wouldn't be the best thing that's ever happened....
Firstly.
Florence + The Machine. I've been all but obsessed with her for this entire year. But after seeing her live, I've realized how talented she really is. She's classy and artistic.
Avenged Sevenfold. I've loved them for the majority of my teenage years. They sing to whatever mood I'm in, and they are incredibly talented. I saw them live this year, and honestly, it kind of blew my mind.
Lana Del Rey. She is so damn sexy. And her music sings to my soul. Seriously. She was a writer before she became a musician, and she has this deep husky voice, and she's this gorgeous tiny brunette.
Led Zeppelin.
I was raised on these guys, and they are probably the most talented musicians to ever grace the face of the earth.
Tool.
They are the most revolutionary metal band, without a doubt, the best progressive metal band ever. They have multidimensional songs, that seriously....blow my mind everytime.
Bare Minerals mascara
Bare Minerals blush
ELF gel eye liner
Covergirl lipstain
Liquid eyeshadow
BabyLips Chapstick
Aveno Sunscreen
An assortment of other make up I don't use regularly.
I LOOOVE make up. It always feels good for me to get dressed up, and dolled up. Because make up really makes me feel extra pretty.
Really, my ideal wedding is anywhere I'm surrounded by my family, friends, and in the presence of my God. I can't wait till I'm walking down the aisle to Florence + The Machine on my daddy's arm. Till I kiss my husband for the first time. To eat yummy food with all of my family and friends. And to have the most incredible dance party with my family. (: I'm just so excited.
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