-

And now we're both married.
Neither of us knowing,
About the other.

And though there's a shadow,
From happy memories we shared,
I can't deny.

No.
I can't deny,
How overwhelmingly happy.

I feel for you.
And for me.
On getting past the craze.

Day 7: My Dream Job.

I have several. They are over a period of time, so I will list them as they are most relevant to me.

1. I'm getting ready to complete my training to be a Volunteer in the Mentor-a-Child program at the Children's Justice Center. After I complete 40 training hours, I will be assigned a child, which I spend an hour or so with a week. We can go to the park, the library, go get an ice cream cone, really just have fun together. The entire point of this program is to be a support system for these kids. Be ready to listen to them, but mostly just be their friends. Be someone that they know they can count on.

2. Volunteer at The Center For Women and Children in Crisis by becoming a volunteer of the rape crisis team. Basically, I would be on the other end of the phone when someone calls, and I would give them resources to help themselves heal emotionally, get medical assistance, or how to report it to the police. I'm hoping I can do this over the summer, or at the end of spring.

3. Become a social worker. This is a step in my dream job. After I finish my general education, I hope to apply to Utah Valley University's Bachelor's of Social Work program. It's a 4 year program with 45 hours of required internship hours. Which would help me get to my...

4. Master's of Social Work to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). I want to become a counselor, and work primarily with adolescence. In order for me to complete my education, I hope to attend University of Utah's Master's of Social Work program. It's a 2-3 year program with 4000 required internship hours. That's my dream job. Truthfully. I want to help people more than I can explain. I think I would be a good therapist. I have what I would like to think of as a chameleon soul. I have always had friends from different backgrounds, because I'm good at adapting and understanding people on a personal level. With any luck, I would be done by the time I'm 26, but I don't know what the future will present, so until then, I will keep my fire burning, and try my hardest to accomplish my dreams.

My Uterus Is Special.

Things I've learned this week:

1. I have the best, most supportive, loving, brave, sweet husband ever. He watched me suffer all week. And he stayed strong for me. There is nothing he wouldn't do for me. He blows me away.

2. My uterus is unique. After a week of serious pain, we found out what was wrong. I bleed into my tubes, and out around my uterus. It causes severe inflammation, and more pain that you can imagine.

3. I'm allergic to morphine, ultram, and dilaudid. In addition to the percocet, lortab, menocycline, and latex that I already knew about.

4. I have the most amazing husband in the whole world. He would do anything for me. And he loves me more than I can comprehend. And I love him just as much.

5. Post surgery is painful. And that's the fucking truth.

6. My fear of going crazy was made a reality this week. 5 times this week.

7. I have the most loving husband in the universe.

8. We went through hell this week. So the next year should be a piece of cake. If the first year of your marriage is your hardest, here comes eternity, because we went through hell in our first month.

9. Thank God for medical insurance.

10. I have my perfect match. I love you Bubba.

Faith

WARNING: This has my own personal spiritual beliefs and thoughts. I am not up for criticism. This is how I view my relationship with God, and I am not generalizing everyone's relationship to be this way.
This is also the first spiritual post of it's kind.




Sometimes I wonder why God has dealt me the hand He has.
Why He dealt her cancer that ended her sweet existence,
Why He dealt her the death of her husband,
Why He dealt her loneliness,
Why He dealt him depression,
Why He dealt her cancer that may change the path of her life.

I sit and I wonder why all the wonderful people in this world, have emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological, traumatic, terrible things happening to them, and they are silently strong. Holding on tight.

I ask God. And then He responds saying:

2 Corinthians 4:8-11

We are afflicted in every way possible, but we are never crushed; full of doubts, we never despair. We are persecuted but never abandoned; we are struck down but never destroyed. Continually we carry about in our bodies the dying of Jesus, so that in our bodies the life of Jesus may also be revealed.

How I interpret:

Shit is going to happen to everyone. Every single day of our lives. However, since life is all about perception, we need to see it as God giving us light touches of sympathy towards our Savior, Jesus. However, I have personally had many things in my life happen that help me relate to someone I might not have otherwise, and maybe even helped then seek further guidance than I could ever provide. The ways of God are always a mystery. We do not know how He works. When He works. Why He works. But the point being, He does work, and He shines within us.






Sometimes though, I don't want to know that God works in mysterious ways, and that this challenge will make me stronger. I just want to cry like a baby, and scream why. Why me? Why must this happen to my friends? My love? My family? Me? And I pray. And I ask God.

And then He responds like this:

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; He will never fail you or forsake you.


How I interpret:

Kay God. I'm listening. God is with us all. Every single day. Sometimes it's easier for us to disregard His hope and strength and us, and feel sorry for ourselves, and for those around us. The world can be heavy. But we're not alone. God may not be here in the flesh. But He gives us coping mechanisms so we have people to be here with us in the flesh. Friends, family, coworkers, classmates, teachers, strangers, animals. God gives us hope, and without hope, we are nothing.




And then, when we find our way. After we have struggled. And cried. And been angry. And cursed. And didn't want to find a solution. But when we succeeded.

God responds to us like this:

Luke 15:6

Once arrived home, he invites friends and neighbors in and says to them, 'Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep!'


How I interpret:

So ya. We're obviously not animals. We aren't fluffy or furry. But we are God's little lambs. I know I have felt like the black sheep of my family from time to time. But. God brings us back to center. He finds us, and helps us find ourselves, and when we have become everything we had dreamed. When that moment comes, and everything feels okay. God rejoices with us. Because He loves us soooo much. And unconditionally.

(I drew this)

(And this)

Dear God.
Help me have strength to deal with the emotions of today. Help me to love all those around me. Thank you for letting me wake up and experience another day today. Please bless Emily and her family with strength, and hope. Please bless Rachel with strength, hope, and peace as she prepares for treatment. Please bless Jasmine and Jenna with strength and happiness. Please bless those about to start school, especially my mom, and all those who dedicate hours to teaching and inspiring. Help me to be nice when I feel grumpy. Please help me to keep strong in good study habits. Please bless all those sick and in the hospital. Please help all those who have lost hope, or feel that they don't have friends.
But God. Thank you for every blessing I have in my life. And please continue to bless me and those around me i the way that you do. I love you so much God. I guess it's only a star in comparison to the milky way in the ways that you love me. But I do.
Amen.

For Emily.

Look at the stars,

And what will you see?
Do you see a light,

Do you see me?

Tears fall around,

Fall down for me,

But I am not there,

For I am in the breeze.

Take a deep breath,

Can you do that for me,

Remember the feel,

Because now I can breathe.

Look at the flowers,

Look at the bees,

Blink away the tears,

And don't think of me.

I'm not there in the flesh,

I'm free like the sea,

I can't feel any pain,

I can truly be me.

I'm home for Eternity,

Safe in the three,

Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,

So don't cry for me.