I can't try to write anymore.

I'm afraid to be vulnerable.

Wedding (:

I don't think I've even merely mentioned the fact that I'm getting married on this silly thing!! Well surprise....I'm marrying Dave (: The perfect man for me.

We're getting married December 29, 2012
I found my dress.
I have a venue.
I found a caterer.
I have a florist.
I've seen a lady doctor.

I'll update more tonight.
I'm off to meet my florist with Mommy!

Bloody Monday.

It's the kind of day where I wake up in a funk.
I don't want to get out of bed.
And everything gets on my nerves.
I'm rude and don't see Dave long.

I think it might have to do with the idea of trying on wedding dresses.
Don't get me wrong. I'm SURE I will find the right one, however, guess what.
I don't wanna try on dresses.
I don't want to at all.
I just want to buy one online.
And hope for the best.
And if it doesn't fit right, who gives a shit?
Not me....

Anyway.
I miss my old self.


Carry on...

Sleep

I know I'm supposed to be writing about deep things that I'm thankful for, but today, I'm really thankful for the power of sleep. I don't know what it is about the few hours where consciousness slips away, but I love the feeling of almost being asleep, when my mind is too tired to think, and all of a sudden, I'm asleep. It's beautiful.

Happy happy happy.

I hate thursdays. Except it's friday. So I must have lost a day in there somewhere. The cup of tea next to me is getting lukewarm. And has probably been steeping too long, but that's what I get for deliberately staying up until 1, and then not sleeping for the rest of the night. I'm not exaggerating either. I would be shocked if I slept for more than 2 hours yesterday. Which is fine I'll live. But now blogger background is changing colors, and my mind can't handle the struggle.

I'm thinking about getting a hot chocolate instead of the tea. Except last time I did that, I went over to my beloved's house for a nap. And a farted. Really loud. He didn't wake up, but he made a joke about farting in his sleep later that day, and I'm pretty sure he was just trying to tell me that I was caught....

On this delightfully rainy day, I am spending time with my favorite coffeeshop baby. She is so cute. And her mom is so cute. And her dad is so cute. And her family just emulates cuteness. She babbles, and crawls and sits on my feet. And I'm all like "Baaaaaby! (:" Yes. I even say "Baby...SMILEY FACE." She's a cute baby. And she also has the ability to give people the stinkeye...

On other delightful news. Getting married soon. 49 days to be exact. 7 weeks almost exactly. And I still don't have a wedding dress. But I'm confident that I will find one, especially if I'm going with my mom and sisters, and grandma, and whoever else decides they are official enough to give me advice.

Well. You're awesome.

Happy freaking friday!!!

I Gave You All.

Sometimes.
I hurt the people I love the most.
They give me all they have.
I give them all I had.
And still.
Everyone ends up crying.
Upset.
And frustrated.

For My Bubba.

I believe in the magic of love.

I believe that everyone in life has one person that they are meant to be with forever. One person that a soul is so compatible with, there are always things to talk about, things to try, and love to be experienced.
Some people spend their whole lives looking for it, and never find it.
And some, lucky lucky people, find it. And find it young.
I am one of those lucky people.

I met Dave last August, in the warm sun at Starbucks.
He ordered a Chai Tea Frapp, I ordered a Raspberry Green Tea with two pumps of raspberry.
We had talked a lot on Facebook, but that day at Starbucks, hours went by. And we just talked.
And talked and talked.
I wasn't totally in love with him at first. Our story is not one of love at first sight. He became one of my closest friends before we ever started dating.
And that's an important foundation that our relationship has bloom from.

Dave has been my friend through everything. And this last year hasn't been an easy one. But he's never once left my side. He's supported me through whatever I've wanted to do. He came to every orchestra concert, gave me a beautiful painting kit full of acrylic paints-supporting my love of painting, taught me how to rock climb, and gave me all the gear I needed for my birthday. Supported me in getting my CNA. Made me laugh. Every single day of my life. He's let me cry all over his shirts, hugged me even when I'm not acting nice.


 And always remembers to say "I love you."
Even when he's frustrated with me. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. Honestly.

Dave is the love of my life. The fire and passion that keep my soul still and strong. He is my future.  Life can be frightening at times, but I know I never need to feel fearful of life. Especially when Dave is there holding my hand. He keeps me strong. He makes me believe I can do anything.

I love Dave. With my whole heart. I'm not always as graceful as he is, but I try my best to show him in the little ways that I can. Words, are my way to express love. They always have been. So to the man I love. The only man that I'm meant to be with for the rest of my life.

So to my love. My Dave. My sweetheart. My Bubba.

Happy birthday.
Happy happy happy birthday.

I'm looking forward to this next year of my life with you.
23 is going to be a good year for you, I can tell.
I'm so proud of you. You're such an example of success for me.
Such an example of pure love.
I love you with all I am angel.
Thank you for always loving me, being with me, and being my best friend.

I love you.