Changing. Always changing.

It's funny to me how I can think I know someone so well, and then it completely blows up in my face. The only guy I've ever loved, expects me to do the nasty with him. As if I ever would...
Brennen. The person I thought I'd be close to for the rest of my life, showed me a whole new side to him that I didn't know existed. It wasn't at all what I wanted to see. Deception, Silence, and Confusion has ripped us apart, which I really don't like in the slightest. I cried for the first time this year on tuesday. If you know me, you know I don't cry. Ever. I might a couple of tears, but never the sobbing, bawling thing. I don't like that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't have much room to talk about deception. Because although I may have pain in my life, I know for a fact that I have or am going to cause pain in others. That's why it is my personal belief that I need to get out of here, as fast as I possibly can. Sever all communication with everyone. Kinda like a communist...

I talked to three of the wisest people I know. My mom. Mr. Clinton, and Brother Heaston. They all gave me about the same message, just in different words. My mom, being my mom, and caring about me, asked me if it was worth fixing. Which I'm still unsure of. Brother Heaston asked me the same question. Is it worth fixing, or letting go.

Mr. Clinton in my opinion, gave me some of the advice that stays with you forever. Protect your heart. You can't trust anybody, until you've known them for years, and know that they won't hurt you, and even then, be hesitant. Don't set yourself up for a kick in the heart.

I still feel broken and confused. But that's me in a nutshell. Aww well.