A Complex Delirium

I know I need to say good bye. But I can't. Everything is a memory. It's been so long. I should be long over any ray of emotion I ever felt for you. They were all real. I didn't realize how extensive of a history you could have with a person, until you left. Waving is essentially useless. Sometimes, it's just better to allow things to slip into silences. Long hard silences that rip hearts out, and make them bleed. You deserve the very best that all the world the world has to offer. I wish that was me. But quite obviously, it's not. I know. It's been months and months. But do you ever feel anything? Like the dull numb emptiness everytime you see me? I'm not saying that everytime I see your face, it makes me unhappy, but my tummy dully flips from memory. Every word. Every touch. A lie. Even if it wasn't a lie. You knew. So we'd watch a movie. And you'd have your arms around me, and I'd run my fingertips up and down your arms. Pretending I wasn't scared of the movie. I'd hold your hand in the backseat. While you looked at me, and looked away. You'd offer to drive, because you knew he was high. You'd apologize as you dropped me off. You'd kiss me. And that'd be it. Something was wrong. Something wasn't right. But you were good at making everything okay. Just for me. I just wish I would have known sooner.

Please.
This is what I can give.
What else do you need from me.
I might be sick,
Broken, torn to pieces,
So whatever this is.
This thing that I've become,
You hate it so much,
You keep on running from it.
Ay. No matter the distance.
Oh. No matter how. Far.