Something is wrong with my uterus.
Pain level is about a 9.
:(

Because I'm Alex.

• I sit in the middle of my floor, and listen to Avenged Sevenfold while wearing the same Florence+The Machine t-shirt I wore yesterday.

• I paint my nails a sexy sparkly red, even though I know I'll peel them off tomorrow.

• I steal my husband's headphones, so I can blast my music without waking up my neighbors.

• I design a million tattoos every day, even though I'm a wimp and would never get any of them done. But someday. Just wait. I will get a partial sleeve, and a huge tattoo on my thigh.

• I would rather sit in the dark and look at a little computer screen than organize thank you cards that I've had written for a week.

• I feel more comfortable in a tie-dye t shirt and leggings than I do in anything else.

Fairytale.

And then the girl that said she would never be married, found the love of her life.

And they lived happily ever after.

Kinda. Mostly.

I'm kind of a hippie.

I'm kind of girly.

I'm kind of weird.

I'm mostly an artist.

I'm mostly a wife.

I'm mostly a free spirit.



And that's okay.

Baby Sister.

Hello Baby Sister.

I'm writing this to tell you how much I love you. 

As we know, I have been married for 3 weeks. And I don't know about you, but not even seeing you for 20 minutes a day has been really hard for me. I definitely thought I would see you more than I do. But that doesn't change how much I absolutely adore you.

I miss our long drives together. You were always my copilot. We drove everywhere together. And we always talked and laughed. You gave me the best advice.

You have taught me so much about love, life, and myself. You have shown me our whole lives that laughter is the best way to make hurt go away. If you're embarrassed, laugh it off. If you are having a hard time processing emotion, giggle a little. If something is just funny, thrive in that moment, and just laugh. Laugh good and hard. And you have the best laugh. It's not a light musical laugh. It's not fake and phony. It's real. And alive. And warm. You make other people laugh because your laugh is contagious.

You have taught me that anything can be healed with love. I've thought a lot back to my junior and senior year of high school, and honestly, you were the only true friend I had. I could tell you anything, and trust you 100%. You always knew what to say, when to hold my hand, and when to give me a hug. Your ideals on love, are true and pure and wise beyond your years. You have brought me a lot of comfort in my times of need, and I only hope that you feel that you can trust me as much as I trust you.

You have taught me so much about myself. You have taught me that I can be a good sister. And that I can be a not so good sister. You celebrate in the moments with me when I am a good sister. Moments where we laugh our asses off, cry together, and just go through the motions of our lives with one another. You've taught me my sisterhood can be improved in moments when I've yelled, slapped, pulled your hair, cried, said that I've hated you. You always come back to me within 5 minutes, and give me a hug, and forgive my wrong doing.

You are such a good catholic girl. And that makes me so proud of you. It's hard being catholic in the big ol' mormon valley. But you take it in stride, and always stand up for what you believe in, no matter how hard it can be. In lots of cases, you have the strength that I always haven't had. You are polite but firm with your beautiful catholic views. And I love that you listen to christian rock. Because that mostly just makes you kickass.

Sister, you are my hero. You are the best sister in the world. (Even the oldest sister thinks so.) You are beautiful, funny, fun, silly, goofy, pure, and most importantly real. You are a real person that experiences real life and real pain and joy. 

Thank you for the journey in my life. Thank you for always taking the time to be my very best friend. I hope that when we are both grown ups, that we have houses right next door, that way our kids can be best friends, and we can always sit by the window and drink coffee and hot chocolate.

I love you baby sister.

All my love,

Middle sister.

Loneliness

There's something they don't tell you about getting married.

Everyone assumes you're going to be so wrapped up in your little married life that they stop calling, texting, and inviting you to do things. Don't get me wrong. I adore my husband. Dave is the best thing that ever happened to me.

But three nights a week he goes to work, and three nights a week I'm home alone from 6 to 6 pondering my life's purpose. I clean. But there's not that much to clean. I'm finishing up writing all the thank you cards, and you can only craft so much. I really miss having a best friend.

When Suz was here, it was awesome. I had my husband, and my best friend, and my family, and it was perfect. I have Cailie and Nolle now, and they are always up for hanging out. But I wish I could figure out why I feel lonely.

I'm not really alone. I'm married, for hell's sake.
Any suggestions on feeling less poopy and more awesome?

I'm suffering from a terrible creativity block, and will not be writing over the next several days.


Sorry. Out of order.

Shark Week.

I'm usually pretty brave when it comes to my period, and cramps. Periods are part of life, and whatever.

But seriously, this has been the worst period in a while...like, a whole month.

I'm curled up in a ball crying because I can't take ibuprofen for another 2 hours, and tylenol doesn't do shit for these cramps.

(Why not at Walmart?)

Maybe I should go take a bath or something.


I wish Dave was home. I seriously need to snuggle, and watch a Disney princess movie, and bawl my eyes out until these damn cramps get lost....

>:(

 I'm not a happy camper. I'm not happy.

E-Journal Post

I was looking on my E-Journal, and I found this. This is when I was trying to write the perfect words in a love letter that Dave and I exchanged before our wedding. This helped me feel that really excited and less jittery. Enjoy!

What is the single greatest thing about the person you are going to marry?

The single greatest thing about Dave is his unconditional love for me. His love for me is so pure and so intense. His love for me radiates. And everyone can feel it. I've had friends tell me that they hope to someday meet someone that loves them as much as Dave loves me. Because he loves me so much, I know I can always be myself. He takes me for messy, happy, silly, sad, creative, artistic, quirky, running late, however I am. He loves me, and lets me be me. I haven't always felt comfortable in my own skin, and his love and acceptance of who I am has carried me to truly learn how to self-love. That alone is the greatest gift a person can give another.

When did you know that you were in love/ know that this person was the one you wanted to marry?

I knew I loved him the moment he left for Europe. I knew that I trusted him, and cared deeply for him. I knew I wanted to marry him, probably this last June. We had been arguing, and in the depth of the pain, when I wanted to give up, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

What does marriage mean to you? Why do you want to be a married person?

Marriage bonds two compatible souls together for eternity. I want to be married, because I want my forever and eternity to be with Dave. Through everything life may throw at us, I'm stuck to him like gorilla glue. I'm not going anywhere.

What is the most important thing you want to promise to your partner? What is the promise you most want to hear from them? (For example, it might be really important to you to promise that you will always respect them. Or you might really want them to promise their eternal fidelity.)

I want to promise my eternal love and respect to him. There is nothing he could do to make me not love him, as I am an unconditional person. I want him to promise me the same. 

What will change about your relationship once you are married? What will stay the same?

The intensity and sweetness of our love will ripen with age. It will only get better. I hope we never lose our sense of adventure, or our sense of happiness and laughter.

What is your most favorite memory of your partner?

There have been so many beautiful little moments and big moments, in our relationship together. But I would have to say that my favorite memory was going to Cirque Du Soleil in Pheonix, and having our own mini vacation. We laughed, and ate, and drank, and were amazed together, and we just had so much fun together. 

When you were little, did you dream of your wedding day or your future spouse? How does that vision match up (or not) with your sweetheart?

I always knew I would fall in love deeply, and marry my soulmate. As most little girls, I imagined the scenery, and the vows, and the perfect kiss, but I always knew that the person I married would be my perfect half.

Back and Married.

I'm back from a kick ass honeymoon.

We went to Disneyland, the beach, Medieval times, and had so much fun.

Now to talk about the matter of me getting married young. At the ripe age of 18...
If you have a problem with it, seriously, go fuck yourself. I've never been so happy in my entire life. He makes me feel so beautiful, and things are on the up and up with my mom, dad, and family, You clearly don't know me if you are telling me that I'm at fault. Because all the people that were concerned and advised me, trusted me enough to let me go.

The hardest part about all of this is being alone at night. Dave is back at work, so now I'm home by myself for the night. I could be moving in, but why would I do that when I can blog? Hahahaha.

I don't feel like my apartment is my home yet, but I'll get there. Dave is wonderful, and will help me adjust well.

I'm feeling good about my decision. Now to wait for my husband to get home (: