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30.4.13

Here We Go Again.

Well shit. I'm going to do another blog challenge. I'll actually try to finish this one, because the whole point of this blog challenge is to kind of rediscover your blogging personality. (If you're neglectful or angry like me.)


Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)
Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)
Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable
Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it
Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member
Day 6, Monday: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?
Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of
Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill. 
Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory

27.4.13

Sick. Warm Weather. Bagels.

I haven't been feeling very well the last few days. I think I have the start of either allergies, or a nasty cold, and it makes my nose stuffy and runny, my head stuffy and hurty, and my voice throaty and sick. I've had a migraine that makes me want to avoid the sun like a vampire. And the best part, Auntie Flow decided to visit me for THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN A FREAKING WEEK. So now I'm crampy. Yaay. Icing on the cake.

After taking ibuprofen, dayquil, and zyrtec, I am a functional human. Functional enough to actually get dressed, and try to be at starbucks for a little while.

(the problem with ordering a small white chocolate mocha frapp is that it disappears abnormally quick. So quick you wonder if the person next to you is stealing sips of your frothy beverage.)


We are approaching my favorite part of the year, weather wise. Late spring is my absolute favorite time of the year. The days get warmer, and longer, and the sun makes his presence known after a cold long wintery spring. The trees finally get leaves, blossoms bloom, and there are people outside of starbucks chatting the evening away. It's the very best. It's still a little chilly, so sweaters are still necessary, but it's not so hot you think you're going to die.


It's a bit like this:





This makes me laugh every time!!!





I haven't had a bagel in months. So I had one to cease my starvation whilst at Starbucks. It was warm, and doughy, and FULL of cream cheese. I LOVE BAGELS. I used to get one at Einstein's Bagels almost every day my junior year of high school. Now that I'm a married adult that buys her own groceries, I should buy some bagels and cream cheese. Talk about a tasty breakfast, or snack, or lunch!!!




I miss my family. They are all in Arizona. And Dave is working this weekend. So I have some alone time. Which might be nice, but I actually love spending time with my family and my hubster.





25.4.13

Vulnerable.

Part of being married is accepting the vulnerability that comes with it. I simply can not hide things from Dave and feel okay with myself. And maybe that's part of the learning curve. But I still feel like I'm leading a secret life half the time. Because what makes me happy is a large part of him, but I'm losing the large part of me that I used to love.

I've been such a bitch to Soph recently. And I don't really know why. She just wants to spend time with me. It's not an inconvenience. She just wants her sister to be her friend. I've been pushing her away from me, and I don't know why. I love Sophie. And I hate myself for hurting her. Because at night I think back to when I was a sad junior in high school. When I had NO friends. I had lots of faces that pretended they cared, but when my shit got real, they all took off. And I was left with my best friend. And that was Sophie. She just wanted to spend time with me today. Yesterday. This week. And I've been pushing her away. Feeding her bullshit about being too busy. Wanna know what's annoying about Sophie? She's right about me a lot, because she knows me so well. And when she is right, I tell her to leave me alone. Why am I like this?

I'm not artistic in the way that I used to be. I think part of that is that I'm happy for the first time in a really long time, and I don't have any negative emotions feeding into my artwork. I'm not painting anymore. My mom says there'll be a time when I will want to again, but right now, it just sounds exhausting. I'm making jewelry a lot. I find a lot of satisfaction in that. Especially when I get it done reasonably quick.

I haven't lost that much of who I am. I still speak my mind a little too often, and make stupid jokes.

I think I just miss my family. And I haven't seen them in a while.

The Butterfly Project.

Usually projects where you draw something on your skin to represent your past really bothers me. There have been projects that circulate around Facebook encouraging drawing semicolons, hearts, names, to create a "support group" for people who are depressed, self injure, or otherwise despise themselves.

However, I fell across a project that I feel I personally could support, and ultimately benefit from. It's a project that promotes self love, and self healing. Not the power in numbers shit that I can't stand.



The Butterfly Project:

The butterfly project exists so that we may all learn to love our skin, our bodies, and slowly pull ourselves away from self harm, and self injury. There are rules, of course. Rules that if followed, help promote the deepest and most satisfying healing anyone could ask for.

1. When you feel like you want to self injure, draw a butterfly on the place you intend to harm yourself. Draw it with a marker, pen, or Sharpie.

2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, someone that loves you, a pet, a teacher, or someone you know wants to get better.

3. Let the butterfly fade naturally. No scrubbing it off.

4. If you self injure before the butterfly is gone, the butterfly dies.

5. If you have more than one butterfly, that's okay. That's beautiful. But if you self injure, all the butterflies die.

6. You may ask another person to draw a butterfly on your skin. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of these special butterflies.

7. Even if you don't self injure, feel free to draw a butterfly anyway. Draw a butterfly as a small symbol to someone you love that you care. Or draw a butterfly to get your mind off of something that is troubling you.






I used to self harm. It was a big problem for a long time. There's a lot more that goes into self harm and self injury that what meets the eye. I used cut when I was sad, angry, empty, stressed, or facing any negative emotion. It was my way out of the emotional pain I was dealing with. My problem? It became addictive. And fast. It was my drug when I was feeling worthless. But then it created a larger void in my life, when I was constantly hiding my body, and ashamed of the hideous scars it left.

I still have scars. Truthfully there are scars that I don't think will ever go away completely. But scars fade. And that's what's healing.

It's healing to know that like pain, scars fade. There is always a memory, and an old struggle, but it's faded.


23.4.13

IKEA

There's something special to me about IKEA. It might be the delicious swedish meatballs or the gigantic cinnamon rolls smothered in icing, but it's seriously one of my favorite places to go with Dave on a date.

About once a month I feel compelled to go to IKEA for one reason or another. Today was to get some cute gardening things, and a huge roll of art paper, but other times it just to look at stuff.

Things that make me excited for my future with Dave. Like buying our first home, and filling it with our stuff. And making my little kitchen yellow and happy and bright. And making my backyard a garden dreamland.
Or thinking about summer outdoor brunches, summer morning reading, and taking my little bunny out to play in the warm grass.


IKEA is the nice little reminder that if I can dream it, they will make a kit to build it. hahahaha.



17.4.13

The Great Gatsby

Everyone is currently obsessed with The Great Gatsby. I know it's going to be the next big blockbuster or whatever, but I find it amusing, because I have actually read Gatsby. And I loved the book.
Most of my friends that are claiming to love Gatsby hated the book, and complained about the mild assignments we completed in our English classes.

I'm mostly excited for the album that is coming from The Great Gatsby.

Lana Del Rey.

Gotye.


And my favorite....






FLORENCE WELCH!!! Florence + The Machine. WOOT!!!!

15.4.13

My Heart Is Broke.

I'm getting really sick of national tragedies. I feel like every couple of months, there is a new terrible headline, announcing that people are dead, dying, or severely injured. And these people that cause these crimes? They all must be crazy. Look at how they are acting in court!

Today, a bombing at the Boston Marathon left 3 dead, and about 150 injured. There was blood everywhere. People had lost limbs. And all for what? What point did this terrorist have to prove? How did they show anyone who was in charge? We still don't know WHO it was. So obviously, they aren't exactly in the spotlight.

And people. Sweet, hardworking people. Have mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends that are injured. Because terrorism doesn't stop for anyone. It destroys lives, and kills several with no general message, or mean of communication. The only real message? Hate. HATE.

I wasn't even shocked when I heard about the bombing. And I think that's what breaks my heart. It seems that every time America starts to heal from one horrible tragedy, another one immediately follows.


Aurora, Colorado. July 12, 2012:
Gunman attacks midnight screening of The Dark Night Rises. 12 dead, 58 injured.
There were articles that followed for months after, as victims families were featured in magazines, web pages, and news reports.

Sandy Hook Elementary School. December 14, 2012
Gunman attacks an Elementary school. 20 children dead. 6 adults dead. Countless injured.
There are still articles that feature the stories of families, and there are still web pages and news reports on how families are surviving.

Boston Marathon. April 15, 2013
2 Bombs explode at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. 3 dead. 150 injured.
There is still so much chaos. I think what kills me the most is that the last mile of the marathon was dedicated to the victims and the families of Sandy Hook Elementary school.

My heart is broken.
I'm losing my faith in a "common good" in people.
I believe that people generally are good.
But where there is good, there is evil.



So pray. Pray as hard as you can. Pray that the injured heal. That the emotionally injured heal. That families of the victims get information quickly. And that someday, we'll feel safe in our own country.

11.4.13

17 Words Alex Likes

1. Golly
2. Characterized
3. Darling
4. Lame
5. Freak
6. Weird
7. Hilarious
7. Paradox
8. Duodenum
9. Psycho/Psychotic
10. Crazy
11. Shit
12. Damn
13. Grumpy
14. Asshat
15. Baby
16. Flustered
17. Happiness


18 Names Alex Likes

Girls:
Kady (Katherine)
Florence
Sophia 
Suzie
Ava
Zoe
Nolle
Charlee (Charlotte)
Lily

Boys:
Vincent
Leo (Leonardo)
Paul
David
James
Gabriel
Jacob
Marcus
Charles





19 Quotes That Alex Loves

So I am a week behind on this challenge thing. Hahahaha. I've been in a foul mood as far as blogging goes. I just don't give a shit about letting people know what's going on in my life.  But I do at the same time. So hurrrr it goes.

//QUOTES//

1.  Things do not change; we change.
-Henry David Thoreau

2. Here is the secret that no one knows.
(here is the root of the root, and the bud of the bud,
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
 -EE Cummings [I carry your heart with me]

3. and she loved a little boy, very very much.
even more than she loved herself.
-Shel Silverstein [The Giving Tree]

4. Happiness is the best makeup.
-Drew Barrymore

5. Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
-Bob Marley

6. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-Mother Theresa

7. If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I would walk through my garden forever.
-Alfred Tennyson

8. We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.
-Robert Fulghum [True Love]

9. Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
-Nicole Krauss [The History of Love]

10. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
-Albert Einstein

11. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy perfect for you.
-Bob Marley

12. Hold onto what you believe, in the light, when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight.
-Mumford and Sons

13.  When I saw you, I fell in love. And you smiled because you knew.
-William Shakespeare

14.  One person's craziness is another person's reality.
-Tim Burton

15. I like my body when it is with your
 body. It is so quite a new thing.
-EE Cummings  [i like my body]

16. Being married is the ability to say "Honey, I love you so much, but you're making me so damn mad right now!"
-Cheryl McBride

17. Hello. My name is Doug. I have just met you, and I love you. SQUIRREL!
-Dug [Up]

18. It's okay to be sad, angry, depressed, upset, empty. But it's okay to be happy. It's okay to be really happy. But hold on and thrive in your happy times, because they really carry you through the hard times.
-Caroline Judd [My mom]

19. I love my Beeba! Beeba Beeba Beeba! I love my Beeba!
-Dave Shuey [My darling husband}






4.4.13

20 Dreams of Alex

1. Travel. The world. The US. Wherever.
2. Finish college.
3. Own my own counseling office.
4. Win the lottery.
5. Ride an elephant.
6. Go to aerial arts school.
7. Live in Montana for a month.
8. Successfully run a home business.
9. Drive a car newer than 1996.
10. Get a dog.
11. Send my husband back to school (if that's what he wants).
12. Successfully sell my jewelry at Farmer's Market.
13. Weigh as much as i did as a junior in high school.
14. Own a coffeeshop.
15. Get 5 more tattoos.
16. Learn to fearlessly shoot a gun.
17. Have someone legitimately look up to me.
18. Travel to Rome with my Mama. And my husband.
19. Have beautiful babies.
20. Stay this deleriously happy forever.

New Challenge

2.4.13

-

I should be really cleaning my apartment, because I have laundry coming out of my ears, and the coffeetable isn't looking any more organized, no matter what direction I turn my head. But I'd rather sit on my couch, in some sort of comatose. Because i'm avoiding it. Like the plague.