Meeeh.

I'm in photo right now, I'm supposed to be doing something productive, but I really don't want to...at all.

I lied.

Just kidding. I love my blog too much. It's an unhealthy addiction. I wonder why I'm fat and single? Hahahaha. Seriously. I need to get a life. Hopefully today will bring something good along with it.

I dressed up as a witch. I have the CRAZIEST eyelashes Eva!!!!!!

Maaa Hurrrrrr

So basically because I have the curliest hair in the entire world, I decided I'm going to be Donna Summers for halloween....the disco queen!!!!! Gotta love the 80'S!!!! Man. Seriously, if I was my mom's age, I would have TOTALLY been HOTT and STELLA for the time. Seriously. My hair. Oddly enough, it still is awesome, just not as manageable, because glamour shots are a dying art.

Any way. DONNA SUMMERS!!!!!!





Saaave the laasst dance for meee!!!! (I can sing too!!! ^_^)



Or maybe I could be BLONDIE!!!!!


Or seriously my best Idea eva!!!!! M. Shadows!!!




Buuuh BYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Sigh

My dearest followers,
My blog is lame. So I'm done blogging forever.

I thought we had changed.

But obviously we haven't. We still yell at each other like cats and dogs, and fight like we're in WWE. It's not fair. All I want is to have you in my life. As someone I can rely on, or someone I can trust. I realize all of our relationship was sex and drama based. But now I want something more. But it's too late.

Thanks Cooper

Mudvayne.

OH MY HELL!!!!! Dude. I seriously should have looked into them far earlier. I kind of like their earlier stuff A LOT more than I anticipated. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!! I am so incredibly excited. As a friend explained to me, they changed their music style with the different drugs they were using. If that's the case, I kind of like it when they were using meth....which is awful to say, but it's the truth.

Dear M. Shadows,

Dear M. Shadows.
Yes. I do realize that's your stage name. I do know your real name. I also know that I'm basically in love with you. If I had one dying wish, it would be to meet you. And Avenged Sevenfold. I don't know if I should be so obsessed with you guys, but you're music makes me feel human. And also amazing. So basically you're amazing.

I love you.

XOXO,
Alex.

It's not like it mattered anyway.

I have so much to do in school right now. What a nightmare. I have loads of make up....Sort of. I'm going to go through what I need to get done, that way, I can kind of have a plan for tomorrow.

A1-Math. Not much I can do there. I do all my homework, so I'm at the mercy of my test score.
A2-Orchestra. Easy A.
A3. AP Art. Here it comes: Andy Goldsworthy project, Collage, Finish Still life, First concentration, Finish reflections piece, Sketch the hell out of my sketch book.
A4. Photo- Journal, Filter assignment, 2 Principals of design. Mount. Grade. And I think that's it.

B1. Update the notes in my journalism notebook. Print off all my articles. Choose my best one.
B2. Good to go.
B3. Good to go.
B4. Vocabulary assignment.

So as you can see, I think I'm struggling keeping up in art class the most, because I have to be continually doing something.

Wesley. Thank you for giving me that paper on Friday, it just reminded me that God really does love me. And I'm sorry about the game last night. You played wonderfully, and I have the pictures to prove it.

As for now. That's basically it. Except for halloween.

What the hell am I going to be?!?!?!?!
Pirate? Sally? John Proctor? Zombie? Snookie? AHHHHH!!!!

Halloween Concert in orchestra.

Guess who has a job????

I HAVE A JOB!!!! OH MY HELL!!!!!

HAHAHAH!!!!! Love. Doesn't. Really. Exist.

Is there such a thing called love without shame? Why is it that I can spend one night with you completely trusting you, and falling for you, and the next thing I know, I can't get you to freaking talk to me. You're right. I'm not worth it.

Ode to Tyler Ely (:

This is my Ode to Tyler,

You drive me insane,

When you make me break trees,

You make feel sad,

When you hack my blog,

You make embarrassed when you do things unnecessary,

But I still know,

Something you don't.

So Ha.

A7X DT

Maybe Mike Portnoy leaving DT isn't a bad thing. A7X sounds pretty sweet right now. Their new album is pretty cool. I just miss The Rev. And I miss Dream Theater. Their still releasing an album come January, but it's not the same. I guess I'll have to check it out.

Letter.

Dear Coheed and Cambria.

Thank you for creating music that makes me feel happy, even when I don't want to be. It's relatable, even though it follows a story line, it really embodies human emotion. And The Year of the Black Rainbow is fabulous!!!! It's definitely one of your softer albums, but watching you perform it live, has changed my life forever.

I love you forever.

Alex.

Trying to Figure out Where to FaLL.

I've been listening to A Fine Frenzy (I love them PS) it's been helping me.

Zac makes me feel happy when I'm with him. I don't need to be anything I'm not. I don't need to pretend to like things I hate, or hate things that I love.

Nina. I know we've basically made up. And I love you so much it's not even funny. But I wish we wouldn't of had to make up. At all. If it were up to me, we'd be in your room RIGHT NOW, and I'd be laughing until I cried. Because that's what we do. Nina. I love you so much. I don't ever want you to go to bed sad, but lately you haven't called.....due to the fact that you're insanely busy...but still. hahaha. I love you.

You were all that we needed,
To believe in our doubt,
The hurt we allowed.
We had sworn to believe them,
And scattered our memories found.

In all we are,
Are truly afraid,
In all we are,
The one thing we can be,
In all we are,
We are truly afraid,
Wishing one day,
We could be strong.

It's over,
It's over,
It's all coming apart,
While you were sleeping,
We were stealing your heart.
-Coheed and Cambria. Black Rainbow. Year of the Black Rainbow.

(:

Today was a day full of ups and downs. But the last hour was definitely an up.

We went to the park together. And he kissed me.

It wasn't needy.
It wasn't forced.

It was soft. And warm.

We talked today. And he told me he'd never push me, because there wasn't a need.
Maybe he'll take care of me. Just maybe.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Me and Nina made up today. And I have to say. I feel so much better. I still hurt a little from the confusion. But we're happy. Almost. And we're friends for the most part. We still need to see each other. It's one thing to say it's okay, it's another to know it's okay.

Today.
Was.
Okay.
I.
Wasn't.
Too.
Sad.

"What is a religious good? A jesus pie......?" -Katie Swain

JOB!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!! You're never going to believe what happened to me this weekend!!!! So there I was in the mall looking for job applications when BAM!!! I went to Claire's. I was OFFERED AN INTERVIEW ON THE SPOT!!!!! I filled out the application speedy quick, and ran it back TO THE MANAGER!!!! Seriously, I'm praying for this......I need a job soooo incredibly bad. I'm more than willing to work until my fingers bleed every single night. (:

Fat. Chunky. Gross.

One size DOES NOT fit all.

SLC!!!!

I'm going to Salt lake to have a sleepover with my older sister !!!!

Later Bloggers!!!

Dysmorphia

Not a good body week for alex.
So here is what I'm going to do:
Eat 1 tick tack a day.
Exercise until I pass out everyday.

.........

And now for reality.

Eat HEALTHY. Yes Body. That means you can't crave chocolate. Crave celery instead.

Exercise a little more regularly. I go on lots of exercising tangents, but it never lasts. So I need something that stays!!!

Crunches and Bum ups before bed. Not a ridiculous number. Just a couple.

Sleep a full 8 hours EVERY night. It's scientifically proven. Those who sleep more regularly, have healthier bodies.

Stop bored and depressed eating. 'Nough said.

I'm scared of getting fat. Just like every other girl in the entire world. But the thing is, I've gained weight already this year. AHHHH. Time to whip my ass into shape!!!!




(Me in about 3 months!!!)

100 Posts about My life...

So this is my 1ooth post, which for me is quite the accomplishment. I often stop doing something right as I start to get good at it (piano, violin, journal writing, reading, art....) And so I've found my blog as a good outlet. So today I'm going to do something very different. I'm going to talk about what's wonderful about my life, and why I'm so happy I got to wake up this morning!!! (:

1. My mommy. Even though she had a hard day, and she was tired, and had meetings, she let me take the car to go do Kayley's make up, even though she didn't really want me to. She genuinely loves me, even when I'm the biggest moron/loser/stupid/rude/grumpy person in the entire world. She kisses me good night every night of my life...even though I'm 16. Call me lame, but it's still one of my favorite things when she comes into my room, and "tucks me in" for bed. She's forgiving when I do wrong, helpful when I'm sad (and basically every other time...including my concentration ideas for art), she's resourceful, she's so funny, so so so so so so funny actually, and what matters the most to me. She loves me no matter what I do, or how I act, or how I'm feeling. She wants the best for me, and she makes me feel loved every day of my life. I love you mom!!

2. Daddy. I don't really know how to describe the love my daddy has for me. He seriously is the MOST giving person in the entire world. I don't know any dad in their sane mind that would work from 6 in the morning until 9 at night, so that his family can live happily and comfortably, and never complain about it, except for admitting that he comes home tired, and hungry. My dad is the best morning person in the entire world. He survives on a glass of OJ every morning, and whenever I go shopping, I buy him his special juice. AKA florida's natural. He's so willing to take me wherever I need to go, stay up with me to work on my homework (even when he feels he's going to pass out from exhaustion), listen to my blabbish stories that if I were him, would seem like they take for FREAKING ever. And he's been taking me to school recently. I like having 5 minutes with daddy. It's fun. I love you dad. Thanks for all you do.

3. My sisters. Sophie. I don't know why she puts up with me. I'm the moody mean older sister, but now that we're so close to the same age, she's becoming so fun to HANG OUT with. I drive everywhere with her. Because she's so funny. And she keeps me happy. Sophie is like my little antidepressant. She makes me smile at least 40 times a day, and even though sometimes I know she's in pain, or she's unhappy because people are douche bags to her in school, she still manages a good attitude, and says "HI ALEX!!!" everytime I come home. And I've loved walking with her home from school. I'll call her, and she'll walk with me home. She's my baby sis. I love her!!!
SARA!!! After she moved away, we got along better, but we still argued, because I felt like we were so different. She has a very strong alpha personality like me, and sometimes we bash heads, or I want to slip into the background, because she feels like the most incredible person in the world. But now that we're closer to the same maturity level, sorta, we get along better, and I feel like we're SISTERS!!! We have this fabulous pact, that I can say has contributed to us becoming closer. She's so helpful, and always compliments me, even when I look like POO!!!! Hahaha. She's funny, and I love seeing her happy with Kendrick!!! I love you Sara.

4. PJ. I don't know if I'll ever understand our relationship fully. He's kind of like one of my major role models. He's so smart. And loves talking to me about things that make me feel smart, because I can keep up a conversation. He makes me feel beautiful, because it doesn't matter if I'm just Alex, because that's enough. We weren't as close this summer, which sort of broke my heart, because I was so happy, and he wasn't as happy. But I felt like we couldn't talk about it, which bothered me, because even though I'm younger than him I understand sometimes life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. It's hard work, and frankly, sometimes it kicks your ass. But the turning point was when I was crying because I was so mad. I was mad at my mom because she said something that had seriously upset me. And he was home from work, and popped in to say hi, and hugged me. I think that was our first REAL hug in months. Maybe even years. He let me cry on his shoulder. And it's not supposed to be creepy, because that wasn't his intentions, or mine. He was just being a fabulous older brother. And he's always willing to remind me that he'll destroy anyone that tries to hurt me. I have the best older brother in the entire universe. I love you PJ.

5. Brother Heaston. What a special bond we have. We met thanks to dream theater, and he has been one of the best people to talk to ever. It's easy. He's my surrogate uncle, but I get along with him fabulously. He offers the best advice, and reminds me that I'm loved not only by my family and friends, but by God. Thanks Bro Heaston!!!

6. Mr. Clinton. Is. The. Coolest. Teacher. Ever. He's so nice to me, and talks to me in the halls. He drinks coffee, and is kind of crazy, but I love it. I love his insanity. He's so supportive of everything that we do. He's wise as well. He knows what to say, and when to say it. He's funny, but knows when to be serious. He's great. Mr. Clinton....you rock!!!!

7. Zach. What a funny guy. He's been really cool to talk to and hang out with. I still have a lot to learn to get to know him, but so far, he's pretty awesome. It's always fun. Well. The 2 times we have hung out...and he's been a really good friend. I hope it stays that way.

8. God. It's been a hard month. Emotional, numb. It's been kinda crappy. But when it comes down to it, God wraps His arms around me, and lifts me, giving me the will to move forward. He's carried me through some of the hard parts. And I'm sure there will be more to come. But I thank God that I know about the bible. And that I can pray whenever I want. God is my Father.

9. Molly and Shady, when I need a good laugh, or a good cry, there are not 2 better dogs you could ask for. Their high energy, but they both love a good belly rub. Molly has become a major love in my heart. She's such a sweetheart. And Shady has been mellowing out a bit. And loves to just sit and be pet. I love you doggies!!!

10. Nina and Dommy. Nina. I know I've been rude and distant lately. But I still love you. And the little things don't go unnoticed. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings. But it's going to get better. And Dom. Whenever I feel like I have no one, I always have someone. I have you. And that means so much to me. You were crazy cramming for your test yesterday, and you still talked to me while I walking in the dark to my truck. It meant a lot. I love you Nina. And I love you Dom.

11. Suz. Suzanna has been one of my closest friends since we were basically toddlers. She understands how I tick, and knows how to make me smile. I want life to be sweeter for her, and for her to be GENUINELY happy. I love her so much.

12. Wes. You know what you do for me dude. Whenever I feel poopy, scriptural help makes me feel better. And he knows every scripture basically ever. He's a fabulous friend, and ya. Love you!

13. Suze Goodman. My closest friend at school. When I feel like I have no one, you're always there for me. It means a lot to me that we're more than just friends that love writing and art. We have a real relationship. And it means so much to me. Suze I love you.

14. I didn't forget all my other friends, I just am too lazy to write all of you guys. You make my days bright and happy. I love each and every one of you.

Life can be sweet like a cupcake, when you look towards the happiness that life has to offer. (:

~Xela.

I'm not going to be....

I'm going to be like this guy. Strong.

I'm not going to be scared.

I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to yell.

I'm not going to get frustrated.

I'm not going to let him get to me.

I'm not going to let him hurt me.

I'm not going to feel scared.

I'm going to be fine.

Insert Title About Hair Here.

my hair used to be SOOOOOO curly. And now it's kinda curly, but mostly wavy. It's super disappointing, because now that I understand how my hair works, I don't even get to use it to my advantage. So I have come up with a plan to make it regain curl structure again.
1. Buy shampoo and Conditioner especially made for curlyheads.
2. Never straighten my hair again.....Or straighten my hair less.....
3. Condition my hair like every day of my life.
4. Give up. It's useless.

Hahahaha. Sad day. Oh well.

Question Of The Day.

What is my favorite food? Why? What food will I never eat? Why?

I'm not craving anything right now, so it's hard to decide what my favorite food is. I think my favorite food is anything and everything relating to the bread group. Especially cereal. Mmmm. It's so simply, but SIMPLY DELICIOUS!!!
I will never eat carrots. Ever. They are the most vile things in the entire world. I don't like them because they have a very strong flavor. Ick.