New. New. New!!!

So I bought a new journal!!!! So excited!

Chirpy

Being naked......Life's greatest pleasure.

Day 5- 6 Things I Wish I'd Never Done

1. Started this stupid challenge. If I regret something, that's my problem....
2. Waking up this morning. Why aren't I still sleeping on the ONLY day I can?
3. Cracking my favorite thumb ring. Guess who has to get it fixed?
4. Dated so many guys this summer. I'm starting to lose track....oh well (:
5. Ate that brownie last night. Can you say heartburn?
6. Straightened my hair Tuesday. I'm weak. I couldn't keep my hair curly the ENTIRE summer.

Day 4- 7 Things That Cross My Mind A Lot...

1. Why are they looking at me like that? Is there something on my face...what is your problem man?
2. Curse words. Lots and lots of curse words.
3. I don't want to go to work today.....
4. My butt looks good in these jeans......I'm a fatty.
5. Yeah Mom, I know. Just stop talking about it....
6. Don't fall down......don't trip......don't fall down.....
7. Why are there so many babies in Utah? Where is Suzanna? Stupid Shawn.....(:

Day 3- 8 Ways to Win my Heart

(This whole counting thing is screwing with me......)



1. Take initiative. I hate wearing the pants. Thus making me grab YOUR hand. Unless I'm giving you clear stay the hell away from me signals, you can always assume it's okay to make the first APPROPRIATE move.
2. Be tender. I may be a nutcase, and a little rough on the outside, but inside I'm like my favorite food.....I'm a marshmellow on the inside. So if I'm all moody and whatever, tell me to get over myself, apologize for me feeling grumpy, hug me, and move on.
3. Be understanding and respectful. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about it. I will when I want to, so when I'm emotional without cause? A hug is always welcomed.
4. I'm a junkfood addict. So don't make me feel like crap and let me eat it all by myself. If we're going to eat out together, and be pigs, let's be pigs. And enjoy it, until we feel sick (:
5. Love me naturally. Even if I'm not all dolled up, my hair is a frizzy mess, I have yesterday's mascara on, and my breath smells like crap because I haven't brushed my teeth for the day. Even if I haven't shaved in a while, because I'm lazy. Just love me how I am. NATURALLY.
6. You give a little, I give a little. I refuse to be the one that has to bend over backwards to "deserve you." So let's just be honest here, if you give, I'll give, and I'll never stop giving.
7. Realize I have the heart of an elephant. Because I have such a big sensitive heart, I'll get hurt over stupid little things a lot, and it may take me a while to get over them. Sorry I'm like this. But I always have been. But because my heart is so big, I WILL stay in love with you. Congratulations.
8. Respect your Mom. Respect my Mom (and my family.) Your relationship with your mom tells me a lot about you. If you can't respect the woman who gave birth to you, then chances are, you won't respect me. If you don't respect my mom the woman who gave birth to me and my family my own flesh and blood then you quite obviously won't respect me. So be good to your mom. Don't trash talk your mom. Or my mom and family ever. Hug your mom in front of me, it's kind of adorable. And feel free to talk to my mom and family for a bit.

Day 2-Nine Things About Alexandria

1. Bees terrify me.
2. If I had to choose between chocolate and vanilla, it will always be vanilla.
3. I have a fairy princess name: Alexandria Katherine.
4. I prefer cold to hot. Freeze and add layers until sufficiently warm. Be too hot, and well, you're kind of screwed. You can only take so many off. Not to mention jackets are kind of attractive.
5. I want to be a doctor, more specifically a woman's doctor. OB/GYN.
6. Even though it drives me crazy half the time, I love my unruly curly hair. It makes me feel sexy.
7. I have a wonderful relationship with everyone in my family.
8. I love to love. I love to love clothes, friends, bugs, movies, music (Is my life...btw) ,food.....and boys.
9. God is my everything. I could not be brave or strong without Him.

Stupid Quote of the Day

"Uggh. I have this really annoying buuuuggh."
-Me.
"Does it rhyme with ooger?
-My mom

Yup.

TMI.....

But I need to poop. Like bad. And it just isn't happening for me...

I. Heart. You. I think?

Tonight was simply blissful. I don't care if I didn't know him that well before now, because the point is, I know him now. It's not all about being physical, and groping each other while we simply sit around. None of that. It's unnecessary to be like that. It's that he watches movies with me, but movies that I want to watch, and understanding that sometimes, I just don't want to talk about it. I just need his strong arms around me, to secure me in place.

And sometimes.

I just need him to hold me there. And keep holding me. Kind of swaying. Giving me enough time to close my eyes, open them, and KNOW, this is real life. This isn't some yummy dream I'm going to wake up from.

This is my love story.

So baby, keep holding me there.
Hold my hand the way you do.
Caress my face the way you do.
Kiss the top of my head the way you do.
Hold me for hours the way you do.

But mostly.

Kiss me the way you do.









I can't stop smiling (:



















Alex <3's ???

101 Things To Do-An Airport Itinerary

So my mom, sister, and I missed our flight to Montana. Awesome. But have no fear, 3 hours (or 4.....or really 5) is nothing. Especially when you have a checklist to complete!

Let's see we missed our flight. (I really like to reiterate myself) (AKA Redundant.)

1:20-1:24 - Cut people off and squeal around corner to long term parking. Meanwhile mom is frantically searching and backing up, and going forward, and going in circles desperately trying to find a stupid parking spot. (Keep in mind we cut off a shuttle or two in the process)

1:24-1:26 - Watch the shuttle we should've been on drive away, abandon some old dude, who generously (and SOOOO SLOWLY) lead us to take his parking spot.

1:26-1:27 - 100 Meter dash to the shuttle station.

1:27- 1:29 - Wait for the Shuttle. Eerily quiet....Mom? You okay? Evil eye....Okay. I'll stop talking. *Mom mutters to herself* Who are you talking to Mom? Actually.....Sorry. Never mind. After the third evil eye, I feel impending death, or doom. I should stop talking. Random family with rather observant kids look at me sitting on the bench. Do...Do you want to sit? I can move.....Shuttle shows up. We board.

1:29-1:34 - Board shuttle. Time goes at a ridiculous speed. It's like time knows we're in a hurry, so is playing along with us. Elevator music. Some old guy with a sliced hand looking off in the distance. Thinking about how stupid his wrapping is. I'm an EMT. I should fix that.....Shuttle stop 2. Random guy boards......staring at me.......can he see my soul? Is there something on my face? What is his problem? He's the one with the mole.....shuttle stop 4......Wait. What? Number 4? Check watch. Realize watch has stopped. Watch mom file her teeth and claws.......shuttle stop number 7........if mom grinds her teeth any harder her teeth will be powder....too late.....shuttle stop 8.....THE AIRPORT IS THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!!! Is this a con? Shuttle driver....shuttle driver.....my mom is losing her sanity.....please gentle driver....DRIVE.

1:35 - Finally arrive. Take mom's bags and run like a bat outta [insert outer darkness here] into the airport. WE NEED TO FIND THE KIOSK!!!! No. I'm not in labor. I just need to make this flight. My mom types in the code in the kiosk. Boooo.......chiiiii..............waaaaaaaah. Smoke is coming out of my mom's ears. The code didn't work. Houston.....we have a problem....Walk of shame to the gate administrator. I notice her zebra nails. How tacky.....that's all I can think about as I watch her type. Her nails are so long and tacky. How can she even type like that? Ever heard of a CLASSIC FRENCH TIP!!!!?????? We get our tickets. I get excited.......then realize the flight is at 5:15. Meaning......we get to spend 4 hours at the airport. (Reiterate)

1:36-1:50 - Mom is running through security, like we're going to make the flight. Really mom? Really? Our tickets aren't even for that flight. I get to go through security TWICE? My mom blames me for not taking out the laptop......I tick off 4 elderly gentlemen. Why do they call it gentlemen? There was nothing gentle about their tone of voice.....and ugly nature....and nasty pleated pants. We make it through security. Still running like we're going to make the flight. Is mom in some state of psychosis? Mom really still thinks we're making the ORIGINAL FLIGHT THAT WE MISSED. Why can I can hear the elevator music in the airport. Oh yeah. CAUSE WE MISSED OUR FLIGHT. Mom really wants to dibs a spot on one of those brutally stiff chairs. I think about ponies.

1:50 - 2:00 - Hunger called. It said it's digesting my stomach. I complain to mom. I forgot mom is about as pleasant as a badger. I call Sariah. Blahhhh Blaaah.......oh. I wasn't supposed to say that outloud? My bad......Mom gives me the evil eye.......Oh wait. I think that's just how she looks today. It's jut her face..today. It reeks of I-just-missed-my-flight-so-I'm-going-to-beat-myself-up-over-it-for-the-next-4-hours-and-suck-all-potential-happiness-out ta-my-kids. You know? That look. I continue to complain about the monster digesting my organs. Mom takes SOPHIE to the bathroom. Not me. I babysit our bags. Who would really steal our clothes? I mean if they're that desperate, might as well give them some clothes. Notice the abundance of asians around me. With their cool gadgets. I feel like an american. A stupid american. Mom comes back, helps me take all of our bags over to the sandwiches she has bought. She tells me she's sold me as flight attendant to the airport for the sandwiches. Thanks mom......We eat our 2 sandwiches that are cut into thirds. Creative mom....Never stop amazing me. I think I know why I have hard time spending money.....1/3 of an 8" sandwich*2+ sample cups of pickles and peppers....mom jalepenos are not a side dish = hungry and heartburn. Awesome. Did I mention we each got a cup of ice water? Courtesy of Quiznos. (:

2:00-2:11 Mourn the loss of the food that was consumed. Wish there was more. Threaten to buy Starbucks. Threaten to buy a candybar. Keep threatening to buy food. Realize mom isn't fazed, and won't buy me anything. Mom goes to blow her nose. Sophie and I awkwardly stare at each other. Mom comes back. I teach her how to play hardface. Her face is chiseled. Until I say buttmunch. That's just because it caught her off guard....HAA!! People watch. My mom is still mourning her loss of the flight. Get over it.

2:11-2:30 - Mom looks at her nails and thinks about nail polish remover. Good news Mom. I snuck through the system. I got through security with a bottle of Nail Polish Remover. By accident. The guy behind me had a shoe check....sucker. Proceed to remove nail polish. Sit and stare. I pull out my bevy of cotton balls. Mom impressed. Who knew? (Hey it's 3:49!) Take off all nail polish. Watch Sophie paint her nails.....for 10 minutes.....another coat.....really Sophie? Is that necessary? LET THEM DRY!!!

2:30 - 2: 56 Mom gives Sophie "The Look" (If you have a mom, you know exactly what look I'm talking about. I get it a lot in church. It's the weird smile it says do-that-one-more-time-and-i-will-wipe-you-out. That's what I'm talking about. Scary....) Sophie finally backs down and surrenders the Barney purple nail polish. I paint my nails to perfection. For 3 minutes. Mom paints her left nails, and collapses in exhaustion. I paint her right hand. As a show of support in her difficult time.

2:56- 3:15 - Continue to threaten Mom with the idea of Starbucks. Nails all done Mom. I'm going to Starbucks....I mean it this time Mom.....I'm going....Okay. Fine. I won't go. Wait. Mom? Are you responsive? EMT!!!!! Just kidding. You're conscious. I'm starting to hallucinate...I have an idea. Let's blog. Mom opens her laptop. We join the Airport Wifi. Computer all but crashes. Spinning wheel of doom.

3:15 - 3:30 - I knew mom liked blogging. She was bluffing, because she knew if I knew she liked blogging I would never stop talking about it. Ever. In my life. Ever.....period. End of story. Blogging.



Now it's 3:57. Now we're going to write a rap.

The airport makes me so bored,
Makes me say,
Alex FORD!!! (My brother's bestie and it rhymes)
What is this garbage here,
It's lettuce/
Yeaaaaaah.
It's a piece of green lettuce.
Yeaaaah.
Plastic cups,
Painted nails,
Broken watches,
Guys in suits.
Mr. Seastrand follows me,
He looks over..



Mr. Seastrand is here. Kinda feeling a bit creeped. Actually it's not him. But It should be.

Day One- 10 Things to 10 People

1. We've been through so much together this year. We've cried, smiled, laughed, and triumphed through all the rocky bits. And I can honestly say without you, I don't know if I would be here and happy today. I know I'm not always respectful, and that sometimes I'm not always honest, but I'm working on it, because we'll always be best friends. I want my relationship with you when I'm older to be just like yours and grandma's. You are my biggest inspiration in my life. You are my cheerleader that reminds me I can do anything. You are my hero. You are my Mommy. I love you so much. So so much. And you've helped me accomplish so much. Thank you.

2. When you first got hired onto the airlines, I was anxious that I wouldn't be able to see or hear from you very much. Well lucky for me, I still hear from you all the time, and I get to see you almost every weekend. I'm so glad I've had you in my life. You are my best friend, and my car mechanic (; You always know what to say, and when to say it, and you your wisdom is always present, especially when I need it most. I know this upcoming year might be difficult, and you might be gone a lot, but I know we'll still be insanely close. You are my hero. I love you so much Daddy. I'm so proud of you. Thank you for always believing in me. I love you.

3. We've been best friends since we were 4. And this last visit, nothing changed, I'm happy to report. In fact, I think it mended a lot of what was broken. We needed to see each other. We needed to be little kids again, and spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. I can't wait to come see you, and allow our fun to never end. I'm scared for you to go to college. I don't want you to forget me. I luuuuuh yoouuu!!!!!

4. When I met you in math this last year, I knew we would be best friends forever. I have a best friend in Lindon, just like I have one in North Carolina. We go on so many wacky adventures, and you are the most SUPPORTIVE person on the entire planet. Seriously. I hope I'm there for you just as much as you're there for me. I'm happy for you and your boy, I just wish your relationship with him hadn't changed ours. But everything happens for a reason. And Shawn is a nice kid. I love you Saribaby. And thank you for being in my life.

5. (This is for 2 people. I know I'm breaking rules here, but who cares?) You girls have been raised with me. We have all gone through times where Mom and Dad drive us nuts, and times where we drive each other nuts. But big sis, since you've moved out, we've become so much closer. In fact, I feel like your relationship with me will be like mom and aunt Maria's. You are absolutely amazing. You blow me away. I hope you blow their minds out there in NC. And choreograph everything that is in your mind. I love you. And little sister. We play everyday. And we talk everyday. In a few hours, we'll be headed for Montana, and we'll be riding a plane together!!! YES!!!! You are my best friend, and so trustworthy. I love having you as my copilot everyday of my life, and you will THRIVE in high school. Next year, we'll have so much fun. Dances, performances, the works. I love you baby sis.

6. Brother. You have always been overly protective of me, but in a very good way. You always know what to say, and when to say it. You and Pheobe are awesome. She brings out your playful side, and quite honestly, I've kind of missed that. Except the harrassment. Hahahha. (what about hisassment? Hahaha) You are the best brother in the entire world. I don't care what anyone else says, because I don't think they know about the hours we've spent talking together. You are so incredibly intelligent, and you are going to go so far in your life. I love you.

7. The pain has left me for the most part, and I'm ready to let go. Almost. You fell into my life, and we fell in love at the EXACT time I needed you. Sometimes, I still imagine what it would be like if nothing had happened. But that's unrealistic, because it was meant to happen the way it did, and I don't have any bitter emotions for you. I only have thanks. Thank you for always being there when I was sad. Thank you for always making me laugh. Thank you for always making me feel like I belonged. Thank you for always knowing what to say, or pretending that you did. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the experience. I'll always remember you as my first love. Always.

8. I knew the second I kissed you that things would change. You were always a friend to confide in with frustrations, but it all changed. Because your life was in overhaul. I know that life hits hard, but I love you. A lot, actually. That one night we spent together is one I'll never forget. You are incredible, and I hope you do so well in medical school. Best of luck. And all my love.

9. Someday. We'll get married. Just wait.

10. I have nothing to say to you. You are a demon.

10 Days. I Need A Refresher.. (:

day one- ten things you want to say to ten different people.
day two- nine things about yourself.
day three- eight ways to win your heart.
day four-seven things that cross your mind alot.
day five- six things you wish you'd never done.
day six- five people who mean alot.
day seven- four turn offs.
day eight- three turn ons.
day nine- two smileys that describe your life right now.
day ten- one confession.

Stupid.

I've changed so much this summer, but I've stayed the same.

Are you confused too?

Secret Love.

Dear Boy,

Sometimes. Life has a reason for the people we have thrown into it. When we started class together in EMS, I first noticed your irresistible smile. Every time you smiled my tummy flipped, and my heart tried to leave my case. I was in the need of a pulse check and a defibrillator. After lots of time people watching. (Mostly just observing the way you moved and spoke) I tried to get gutsy. Pretending to be stupid was a good tactic. Except you legitimately knew what you were doing, so I really did just look freaking stupid. So I changed my mind. I tried to be OVERLY smart. Speak in ways I never did. That didn't impress you either. So I tried small talk. Which considering we were both awkward conversationalists, didn't work out so well for either of us. Mostly me. And then I had that aggressive eye infection. So I couldn't wear make up at all. So I looked like crap all the time. Why you talked to me....cause you're a sweetheart. Then I asked you to spring fling. I thought I was so witty asking you resuscitate a dummy....not really. Then we went to spring fling. And you were so smart. Which actually kind of shocked me. Then we watched a movie. And you let me lay on your chest. Which took me the ENTIRE movie to get there. (Inchworm method...LOL) Then we finally started texting. Talking about stupid little things. Planning when to hang out. Never actually happening. Then. After a while. I gave up. I was tired of waiting.

But I still dream. And in this dream. My life works out perfectly. You realize that even though I'm an art freak, and have no friends, I'm actually really cool and irresistible to you. You find me so sexy. We play the entire summer. Having stupid adventures. Late summer nights. The works. I cry about being angry and scared, and you just hold me, and let me cry all over you. Or teach me how to drive a stick shift. Or work on my horrible cursing habit. We'd be together, but more than that, we'd be best friends. Picnics on my roof, or in the dark. Boating at Utah Lake. Letting my crazy curly hair do its thing and not wearing make up, but you still call me beautiful. Having a muse for my artwork. Sweet kisses that serve a sacred purpose, but don't push for anything sick or twisted and nasty. At some point summer would end, and I would go off to school, and you would get ready for your mission. I'd write you if you wanted me to. All secretly praying everything would work out.

I suppose I dream of love. And not the nasty sex crazed teenage kind of love. Although there's definitely a time and a place for that...

Just love me. With my past. My hurts. My hopes. My dreams. No exemptions. And I'll do the same. <3

Closed Eyes Still Look Forward-Chiodos

Story of my life right now. Today was basically shit. Which is okay. Woke up to a phone call from Sariah. She was making sure I was okay. I think. Then I fought with my sister all morning, then went to Sariah's. Shawn was there. Shocker. Then I was summoned to relandscape my grandma's yard. Then I went to work. All the while feeling like shit. Awesome. This summer is already so much fun. Yay.

When you know that you've finally made it,
You'll make your way back,
Make your way back home.

I ventured into the dark,
To search for a torch
That would light the path ahead.
Over mountains so high,
Far and wide,
Searching for a place to rest my head.

The different roads I traveled,
I remained the same.
Facing fears, with no fear on my face.
All the roads I traveled,
I remained the same.
Facing my fear!

When you know that you've finally made it,
You'll make your way back,
Make your way back home.
You're on your own,
You're all alone out here,
Find your way back home.

On your own...
Find your way back home...

From the darkness I came,
In my hand was a torch that I found along the way.
And in the distance I saw a house,
With a light that lit the porch.
I found a place to rest my head.

The different roads I traveled,
I remained the same.
Facing fears with no fear on my face.
All the roads I traveled,
I remained the same.
Facing my fear!

When you know that you've finally made it,
You'll make your way back,
Make your way back home.
You're on your own,
You're all alone out here,
Find your way back home.

Listen to this song HERE