She is Me.

I was explaining to a friend recently that I miss who I used to be. I used to be really awesome, and never took crap from anyone. I was assertive, and not nearly as passive as I've become. I always talked to everyone, cursed, didn't care about what anyone thought, because I was perfectly content being the individual that I was growing into. But experiences change us. And so they have changed me. I'm still the same person inside. I still listen to Tool on my way to school, say "shit" far more than I should, and never bother to get ready for school. But I can't help but miss who I was. At least slightly.
 I miss the Alex that blasted Avenged Sevenfold loud in her car, and all of neighbors stared and thought to themselves "Why is she like that?"
I miss the Alex that wasn't afraid to create artwork.  She was brave, and didn't get burned out.
I miss the Alex that didn't want to get married. She wanted a career. And to move to Seattle. (But this has drastically changed. I can't wait to get married. I only miss that Alex because she was so ambitious.)
I miss the Alex that wore push up bras.
I miss the Alex that hung out with Tony. (I miss you girl.)
I miss the Alex that saw Suzanna everyday at the mailbox. (But Suzi moved. That's out of our control. But we're still McBesties)
I miss the skinny Alex. (No. I'm not calling myself fat. I'm just saying. I used to be about 10 pounds smaller...cough.)
I miss the Alex with the ugly Baba. 

I don't miss the Alex that didn't have any self esteem.
I don't miss the Alex that struggled to feel happy.
I don't miss the Alex that couldn't sleep at night.
I don't miss the Alex that was plagued with lonliness whenever she was by herself.
I don't miss the Alex that was completely dependent on a boy for happiness. (Now that I'm serious with a wonderful boy, I realize, I don't NEED him to be happy. But I NEED HIM TO SHARE MY HAPPINESS WITH.)
I don't miss the Alex that didn't believe that she was ever worth marrying.
I don't miss the Alex that didn't know how to believe in herself.

So in some ways, I guess you could say, I miss the parts of me that were totally kick ass. Because I feel so soft and boring lately. But maybe that's because I haven't spend very much time with Tony. Or seen David this week for more than a few minutes.

Things are going to get much much better very soon.