Because Life is so Sweet.

The weight of a suicide always hangs heavily on my mind.
And whenever I hear about a girl that was 16, 17, 18, 19, offing her sweet existence I'm really really disturbed, and cry. I cry a lot.

I've thought about it more today. Someone I knew very briefly is now in heaven.
And I ask, why?

We are all fighting ridiculously hard battles. Some far harder than we could have ever imagined.
Especially as girls. We are manipulated, criticized, and corrected in everything we do.
We can't be too fat.
We can't be too skinny.
We can't be too smart.
We can't be too stupid.
We can't be too ugly.
We can't be too pretty.
We can't be to mean.
We can't be too nice.
We can't fucking breathe.

It's all a fine balance. And as reading through my blog's past, I was an extremely depressed teenager. I am thankful that I sought help when I did. Because I can't honestly say I would have been strong enough to carry the life I live.

And now I do. And life is sweet. And love is beautiful. And I think to myself. Of these pretty girls. These incredibly beautiful girls. That die young. And stay in their youth. And will never know what it's like to be married, or have little babies. And I think that's what makes me cry.

I wish I could be there with every girl considering a dangerous path of death. And drape my arms around her shoulders and love her.

Tell her.

"Life is going to kick you straight in the ass. And when you think you're strong enough to get back up, it'll kick you in the ribs, the teeth, wherever it needs to to keep you down. You have to find a reason to get back up. You are a beautiful person. Things will get better. It may take a really long time. But stick around for your Mommy. Daddy. Auntie. Uncle. Brother. Sister. Cousins. Friends. Me. Stick around for me. Because I love you so much."

And maybe they wouldn't swallow pills. Pull triggers. Slit wrists.



Because life is so sweet.
And I've learned so much about how life can turn around and be sweet as punch in less than a year.



I wish I could have saved you.
Everyone will miss you terribly.
We love you.

Rest in peace, beautiful.
And may you hold Jesus' hand forever.