Good Friday

I went to Good Friday mass today for the first time in a few years. It's not a holy day of obligation, however, the mass for Good Friday (which technically isn't a mass) is really powerful. The gospel is the full reading for the passion of the Christ. And every time I participate in Good Friday mass, I get really emotional.

The gospel reading is broken down into a few different speaking parts. The priest generally says what Jesus says in the bible. The lector is usually Pontius Pilate, and the congregation acts as the general people in the bible. So we all read the gospel. We read about how Jesus was condemned to death. How he was beaten, humiliated, and crucified. We read about him asking God a powerful question....

Why have you forsaken me?


Blows me away every single time.


And then there is the beautiful rite of the adoration of the cross. The priest comes in with a crucifix, covered in red silk, and ask he walks, he chants,

"Behold the wood of the cross, which brings salvation."

The congregation responds,

"Come let us adore."

And then the congregation has the opportunity to literally adore the wood of the cross. We kiss the feet of Jesus Christ.


And that's basically what this entire post is about.





When I was going up to the altar, to kiss the feet of my beautiful Savior Jesus, my heart was overwhelmed with love and grief. As I kissed the feet of the Lord, I felt something so powerful inside. I don't know that I could ever put it into words, but I imagine it's just a small reflection of how Jesus must have felt as He was nailed to the cross, and had the weight of the world in His heart. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I walked back to the pew to greet my husband and friends. But I couldn't help but feel so enlightened by God. And I truly believe it is God. I know He knows my heart. And sees my pain. But in that moment to have a small reflection of the suffering of Jesus, I knew with all my heart that God's love for me and for all those that surrounded me was infinite. It was in the very air that we were breathing. And that to me is truly the beauty of the death of Jesus. He died so that we may have life. And so that we were forgiven of ALL of our sins, and that we had a chance at redemption and resurrection.



I love being Catholic. It means the world to me. It's hard sometimes, living in Mormon Valley, especially when I'm bombarded with questions that I don't feel like answering. But living in Utah has given me such a greater sense of why it is so important to me that I am Catholic. I was born into Catholicism, but it has been my choice and my devotion to continue on worshiping God and Jesus the way that I see fit. And no one can take that away from me.



Say the Lord's Prayer tonight... It's such a beautiful prayer.

Our Father,
Who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give this our day,
Our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses.
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
Ame.

Bras.

I'm about to write about something that may be considered TMI. But it's really not. Because I'm a real girl that has real boobs that need real support.

For a long time, I had 2 bras that fit really well. I had a demi fit and a push up from Victoria's Secret. They were reasonably comfortable, and I thought they were great.

Fast forward to March.

Both of the bras are tight, but the demi still gives a reasonable amount of support. The push up gives me the quadruple boob. Not a good look. Bad news. I leave the demi in California after a vacation with my husband.

I am left with a push up bra that doesn't support me at all, and is a bright color that doesn't work well under light clothing.

So I did what any reasonable woman would do...I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. They sized me at a 36C, and gave me a box of bras. Nothing fit. I was gapping, overflowing, and popping out every way that was possible. So I asked for the 36D. Still too snug. I felt fat and embarrassed, and so I left.

I continued for another week with a crappy bra. It wasn't supporting me, and my back was starting to ache more than usual.

So today I asked my mom to go bra shopping with me. She told me to not be worried about what the size of the bra was, but to focus on the fit, and support. We picked out an assortment of sizes and styles, and after 10 minutes, I looked 15 pounds lighter. Not even kidding. I felt 15 pounds lighter.




I think society is stupid. (This is related...hear me out). Society tells women that we need large boobs. As a sense of femininity. But big boobs are only attractive if you're skinny. If you're larger than a 34 band, big boobs make you look fat. This being said, I was pretty devastated when I found that the bra that fit was almost 2 full cup sizes larger than I used to be.

But a lot goes into the fluctuation of change in boobs. Hormones, diet, exercise, and even genetics. But never be embarrassed to get a good fitting bra. It completely changed my day. I feel a little better about myself today, and my body feels lighter. (Having that much weight in the front of your chest that isn't supported can cause some serious back problems.)



So go find yourself a good bra. Email me if you find something you love (:


XOXO

Witty Title

I'm not feeling up to writing anything today.
This is day 2.5 with possibly the worst migraine I've ever had.
It's 4 in the afternoon, and I'm back in my PJ's doing nothing.
My apartment is freezing, but the thermostat is too far away.
And standing up makes my head hurt worse.
So I'll probably make a dessert or something.
And suck it up.
Because today needs to be an okay day.


I'll write again later when I'm in a better mood.

I vow to eat healthier.
Exercise more.
Lose my double chin.
And most of my ass.

Everyone Has A Story....

And it's easy to make assumptions about how we've all handled our lives.

Dave and I were leaving Orem Walmart at about 2am. And there was a man going around the parking lot asking for money. He had a sign that asked for food or money. As we drove away, we stopped at McDonalds. We ordered some food, spent a few dollars, and circled back around the parking lot and found the man.

As we pulled up, he was talking to another man, received a few dollars, and the man that gave him the few dollars gave him some resources to find a job.

We called the man over to our car. We told him we didn't have cash, but we had a big Mac and some fries if he wanted them. He thanked us several times, admitted he was hungry, and happily took the food. It broke my heart to see a grown man's eyes get misty as he took a McDonald's meal.

He told us his story. Briefly, but his story nonetheless.

And it dawned on me.

It's easy for us to judge the homeless. It's easy to make assumptions about why they are they way they are. They probably drink. Do drugs. They are lazy. They gave up.

...But how is that at all what Jesus taught us?

Feed the hungry.
Help the poor.
Clothe the naked.

These are all things that we have heard our entire lives.

Everyone has a story. Especially the homeless. If we could listen for 2 minutes. And be like Jesus and try to help them. Even if that is finding resources. Maybe our hearts would grow a little bigger.

Baby Vacation.

I am so excited!!

David and I are going to Arizona for the weekend! We are so excited to ditch the cold. I'm a summer girl. I would love to live in a place like Arizona. But in the meantime, I'll visit my Auntie, and have a blast.

Cleaning. Not My Thing. Should Be Though.

Wanna know what feels great?

Husband makes me feel pretty, smart, and happy. Which is important. And he values what I do. Sometimes (all the time) I accuse him of being mean to me. He never really is. I think it's a knee jerk reaction when I feel defensive. Like when I haven't cleaned our apartment in probably. Well. Ever. Hahaha. I'll do dishes, or occasionally fold laundry, but I'm a pretty cluttery person. I should want to change that about myself, but I don't really care enough to do anything about it. But I should. For him.

I think I'll turn on some lovely music, and do dishes, and open windows, and clean up my apartment. Make it pretty. I value my darling little place, and I should probably work harder on showing that. Like cleaning my side of the bed. I'm hoarding my clothes there. Which is stupid, because it makes me trip, and that really annoys me.

So I'm going to have a cleaning party with myself. And vacuum my carpets. And clean my toilet.

WEEKEND. Get Here Already.

This is the first weekend Dave and I will have together in almost 2 months. I work weekends, and so it makes our special time together even trickier to come by. I'm trying to thing of something really great for us to do together.

Any ideas?

-

When I look back through our pictures. When I see our smiles, laughs, our beautiful love story. I feel so much better. You have made me such a better person. Just by healing my heart enough to let love in. And the way you look at me. You don't think I notice. But sometimes your eyes light up a little bit. They have a soft gaze. And you smile, and tell me you love me. And my heart does a little happy dance.


I love you David.
I love you so incredibly much.

Day 16: My 5 Greatest Accomplishments

Thus far...Hahahaha. I hope I go further with my education and get a better degree at some point in my life...

1. Getting my CNA. This was the first step in believing that I could accomplish great things in school. I loved my program, and the people in my program. I learned so much from them. And getting a job as a CNA taught me even more. I've learned far more about empathy and compassion than I thought was actually possible. I've learned a lot about patience and balancing job duties as well.

2. Staying true to who Alex is. This is constantly a work in progress. Staying true to oneself is really hard sometimes. But I feel like in the last 6 months, I've really accepted more of who I am, and less of what I think is wrong with me, and giving myself excuses. I have done some really wonderful things in this last year, and I am just feeling happier and happier.

3. Developing closer relationships with the people I love. I've always been close to my family, but I've really worked on being a friend. It's one thing to be a sister or a daughter. It's another things to be a sister and a best friend. I know this is the closest I've ever felt to Sara. And it means so much to me. We call each other regularly, and she always makes me feel happier. And she's feeling happier. And we're both finally just happy. And I love talking with PJ. Especially when I see how excited he is to marry his sweetheart, I love hearing him talk about his life, and his passions. And Sophie. Darling Sophie. And boys that are falling in love with her. And her goofy laugh. And darling smile. And perfect soul. And my parents. My momma.  And our budding best friendship. And my daddy. And our budding friendship. And trusting my husband's family enough to finally be myself around them, and get to know them on a real level, and not feel embarrassed.

4. Staying strong and knowing there's something better, even when it sucks. Everyone has hard things going on in their lives all the time. I'm no exception. I'm a sensitive person. Sometimes too sensitive. When I was younger, I let the world eat me alive. I was all raw emotion, and crying all the time. I've learned how to get a grip, and enjoy the ride. Sometimes life kicks my ass. But then I get back up, smile at it, and say "Guess what life? I'm happy. And you can't take that away from me."

5. Marrying David Shuey. Marriage is hard work. And easy work. It's hard when money is tighter than you want it to be, dishes have sat in the sink for a week, or your spouse is sick, and you can't do anything about it. But marriage is easy when you're snuggling as you fall asleep at night, when you laugh for hours about old memories, and when you can take a second to reflect on how lucky you are to have met and fallen in love with your spouse. Marrying Dave has been one of the best decisions of my entire life. He makes my heart so happy. And he takes such good care of me. He loves me for 100% of who I am. Even the cluttery, I-hate-cleaning-so-much bits. I know someday he will be a good daddy, and in the meantime, he will be a great travel partner. I've been married to him for 2 months now. They've flown by, but I'm so happy.


6. I'm so happy. I don't know if I've ever been so happy in my entire life. My life is mine, and I finally have the courage to say that. Part of me is fearful of being so happy. But I know that this is true happiness. The kind that you can cling to when things are tough. But I'm going to enjoy the ride while things are smooth, and going great.



Have a happy sunday!!!

Day 15: What Animal Would I be?

I would be an elephant.
They have this grace and energy about them that I have always loved.
And no one judges them when they eat and eat and eat.

Day 13: 5 Strengths

1. I am a strong lady. Everyone's life is hard. And mine has had it's moments. But I would like to think that I've handled it well, and I have grown from it.

2. I am a good wife. I am understanding and patient. I try to be nice, and I remember to say "I love you" and mean it every day.

3. I am artistic. Which I would like to attribute to my sensitive soul.

4. I am compassionate. I don't think I could do my job, or even my life, if I didn't have the compassionate heart that I do.

5. I am happy. I try to be happy every day. Life is too short, and can be too bitter to not try to be happy every day.

Day 13: 5 Weaknesses

1. Samoas. I would eat them forever.

2. Guilt. I have a guilty soul. Hahahaha. I always feel like I'v done something wrong, even if I haven't.

3. Food. If eating was a sport, I would win.

4. Samoas. I think I just ate the whole box.

5. My mom. She can convince me to do anything. Because she's awesome.

Day 12: A Typical Day of Alex Shuey

1.Wake up late.
2. Get ready.
3. Tickle fight...I always lose.
4. Make bed.
5. Get shit together.
6. Go somewhere.
7. Get stuff done.
8. Hang out with husband.
9. Get more stuff done.
10. Watch husband play Assassin's Creed.
11. Eat Samoas.
12. Blog.
13. Go to bed too late.

Wait...that's just today.....bummer.

-

And everyone grows up. Falls in love. Maybe has babies. Establishes a career. And some of us are stuck with an internal kid, that laughs at us whenever we try.

Well screw you, 4-year-old Alex. I'm a big kid. I buy my own groceries, and I go to bed whenever in the hell I want.

Because being a grown up is awesome.