I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to cry because I'm angry or upset. That's stupid, and that's what my boxcutter is for. Duh. I'm not going to yell out of frustration or despair, that's what singing is for. I'm not going to let him walk all over me again, that's not what i'm here for.

It's always interesting to see how people evolve over time. Me for instance. I used to be a cute almost prep, with everything and a half going for her.

And now, I can't be classified, and I'm almost happy, but I still feel like there's something missing. Like There's something I can't do.

I'm sick of writing dark poetry, and being in the closet about my depression. It's really there.

So I'm not going to do it anymore. Girls camp made me feel the most alive I have in months. I was laughing, crying, farting, smiling, breathing, and accepting. I felt beautiful even when my hair was a COMPLETE disaster and my face was less than perfect.

I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to try to label myself. I like who I am some of the time, and I love my family. I want to be able to look on my life and be like. "Damn. I was a pretty good kid."

It's not that I even do anything that bad. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not a partier, I don't particularly like the idea of sex, I stay in contact with my parents in most everything I do, I'm a good sister, I just don't feel like I'm a good role model.

And with all the messed up shit that's going on in the world, does someone really need me here? I mean do I really make all that big of a difference?

So I'm not going to do it.