Censored Feelings

I'm really working on trying not to let myself hurt over stupid little things. Butt hurt as Dommy calls it. But sometimes it's hard. When someone said something just to be deliberately mean, or you realize (I realize) that I can try my entire life and my art skills will never be as good as half of the people I know. Granted I live in Utah. In other states, art isn't pushed as hard, so most everyone feels talented.

But. Christmas. Is. Coming. And I'm not feeling it this year. Maybe I'm just in the buhumbug funk, but this is the first year I'm not genuinely excited for Christmas. Last year, it was all about Sophie's healing, so it was nice to get her some cute gifts for the hospital, and for when she got home. But this year, not only am I almost entirely broke because I haven't been paid, but I don't really know how to feel about everything. I'm like a big massive dump of confused.

So I'm learning how to censor my feelings. If nothing else, I can always say I'm doing great, even if I want to scream my guts out. It's important. I think anyway. Basic skills, but learning censorship may help me feel less sad. Because that's a good work for the strange moods I've been in lately.

Sad. Sadness is an emotion. Right? So it shouldn't last more than a couple of days. Hours. Something like that. Because we experience many emotions a day. Happy, sad, irritable, grumpy, giggly, whatever. Learning how to experience all of these. It's not like my life is even bad. I mean I'm running a sock drive because some people can't afford socks. I've never been in a position where that was a concern.

But. I love my family.

And I'll learn to love my life.