It's Clothing...Calm Down.

No.
I'm not going to calm down.
It's not so much that I'm even worried about money.
That's not it at all.
I would buy myself new clothes if I wanted them.
But since I don't....

I just..




I don't want to face myself in the mirror.

Yes. This is stupid reasoning. I eat all the time. I never exercise. I can't bitch about my weight. And that's the truth. But I don't feel the need to sabotage any good self esteem I have left by trying on all my clothes, realizing they no longer fit, and playing the "let's buy alex all sorts of shit because she got really fat really fast!!" game. Not at all.

I don't care if I have pants that fit. Maybe I'll just wear leggings. They are sorta pants, and they cover my legs, and if they wear out, good news, I have like 3 more pairs in an assortment of colors.

Besides. Pants make me look like this.

I don't want to go shopping with anyone. I just want to go to Saver's and buy mom clothes, and close myself off from men entirely. (Sorry babe. But I'm going to look like I'm fifty...) I just can't deal with body problems, dysmorphia, any of that. And I can't feel shitty until I hit the gym.

So I'm left with no solution.

Eat until I'm 30 pounds overweight.

Or do something about it.

If only the apathy wasn't so overwhelming.....