Jaws.

P-town is here for it's monthly visit. Almost exactly on time, as per usual. I always forget how bad it is. Yeah in girl talk, everyone tries to one-up each other in horrific bleeding through your pants stories, but seriously. THIS FREAKING HURTS!!!! And I always know THE SECOND it hits. My mood makes a terrifying shift, and then I suddenly become a black beady-eyed monster...you know. I have the temperament of a pissed shark...

RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIFFFFEEEE!!!!!

I want to get all TMI, and I think I will.

Pads vs. Tampons.

That's a hard call. On one hand, tampons are great, and you don't need to worry about destroying your favorite pair of panties you've ever owned. On the other hand, it makes your cramps about 100 times worse.

Pads take care of the cramping problem, but if you sit just the slightest angle off, you're dealing with a real mess...

End awkward topic.

I have the whole kit and caboodle this time around. 

I have:

A giant break out on my forehead....(thank God for fringe bangs...)

Backache.

Headache.

Nauseated.

CRAMPS. The kind of cramps that laugh at ibuprofen....bitches...

Grumpier than a grizzly bear coming out of hibernation...I would imagine them being grumpy as can be.

Freaking tired.

Apathetic.

Sore boobies.

Yup. E'rthing.

Normal girl shit.

Here's my question for the universe....nnnkey?

Why can't we just send a little text to the stork when we're ready to have babies? Why do we have to bleed for a week? This makes NO SENSE to me. NONE.

This has been another segment of periodisms with Alex Shuey.

Thank you for joining us.