Characteristics. of. my. Fiance?

Italian.

Hitman.

Hott.

Sweet.

Convincing.

Liar.

Good Liar.

Pretty eyes.

Muscular.

Tall.

NO NASTY ARMY TIME WATCHES! (Digital...to make SOMEONE happy)

Smart.

Funny.

Love coffee.

Drinks lots of water.

Has incredible bladder control.

Hufflepuff.

Guitar.

Piano.

Good at rockband.

Enjoys sitting on roofs.

Male.

Poetic. (Writes poetry...and I'm his muse)

Good Kisser.

Can spell stuff.

Good at math.

Dark hair.

Big hands.

Cuddly (:

Clearly, this list is way too specific. Alex should instead make a list of the 9 or 10 most important qualities that are vital to a happy marriage. Dark Hair? Really. If he's perfect in any other way...pretty sure sitting on roofs don't mean jack.

Dear Wesley.

This is all clearly a HAHAHA moment. Why is your knee about to explode? Not that I care... Here's the deal. I'm freaking bored. So if you don't mind, I need to come up with why I love my fake "fiance" And besides, the more picky I am about what I want in a guy, the less chance I am to get hurt as bad I have been in the past.

Thanks.

Dear Alex,

This is Santa. I cannot afford to kidnap another guy for you. It is simply not legal, and completely unethical. (Just because I'm obese, doesn't mean I don't know what unethical means)

Love you and your dogs,

Santa Claus