A Crushed Dream.

4 Weeks ago, Sy inspired me to try a new sport. So I went to an early morning wrestling practice. And learned a lot. I went to a couple more. I was falling in love with it. I was getting good at it, and not to mention sweating, and working my ass off. I figured out Jesse wrestled on day 1, and we've become really close because of wrestling.
Hell week comes. I'm stoked. I know I'm better than half the guys on team. They call it hell week for a reason. I went through all the conditioning, and hardcore afterschool practices, I was getting good, then I told my mom....she pulled the plug.

So I'm not allowed to wrestle. She might of well as told me to kill some small puppies, and bring her the hearts. The thing is, wrestling is what's given me the strength to move on. It's been mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging, but it's given me the tools to handle everything. When I'm angry, take them down harder, when I'm happy, run an extra lap, when I'm feeling fat, run 10 extra laps. I don't crave sugar anymore, because I was worried about making weight.

So what if I break my face? Or a rib? I'm HAPPY. H-A-P-P-Y!!!! Doesn't that mean anything to my parents whatsoever?

I told my coach today. And I was crying. I mean I cried for almost 2 hours about it last night, but I cried in front of my coach, and my team. All the guys on team (minus austin) made me feel like PART of the team. Mitch Steele (Who I didn't actually think knew I existed) Was like "I missed you at practice today!!"

I felt so close with all the guys on team. They were all amazing. The thing is, I felt the NEED to work harder around the guys, because I was the ONLY GIRL!!! I had to prove that I was just as strong, and just as able to wrestle as they were. I had to prove my spot, and it hurts to think that I don't get to be part of that.

I'm sorry mom, but I lied to you because you would've said No from the beginning. We both know that. But now that it's over, I'm completely depressed. I felt normal. And not crazy. I felt sane for once in my life.

Wrestling became a mindset. Work hard. Think hard. Don't settle for less than you are type of thing. My body is a bruised and bumped and burned body, but it's also a body that can survive 6 minutes in the ring, and pin a heavyweight. Not that it matters anymore.

Wrestling. I love you. Thanks for being in my life when you were.

Orem High Wrestling boys. I love you guys individually. (Yes. Even Austin. Sometimes.) You guys made me feel safe, secure and strong. I love you guys!!!